Safety Planning When Leaving an Abusive Relationship

A safety plan is a practical, personal plan for reducing risk while you are still in the relationship, when you are preparing to leave, and after you have left. It is built around one principle: your safety comes before property, paperwork, pride or anyone else's opinion.

Before you act: think, don't announce

• Do not announce that you are leaving. If you decide to go, plan and leave without warning — the period around separation is when risk is highest.
• Identify a safe place — a friend or family member who can be trusted, or a shelter arranged through a local service — and confirm it before you need it.
• Pack a go-bag in advance and leave it with someone you trust or somewhere hidden: ID, bank cards, medication, a change of clothes, keys, and copies of important documents.
• Memorise key phone numbers in case your phone is taken or monitored.

Technology and communication

Controlling partners often monitor phones, accounts and location. Assume shared devices and accounts are visible to the other person.

• Use a device the other person cannot access — a friend's phone, a library computer, or a new phone and account.
• Turn off location sharing on your accounts and apps, and review which apps can see your location.
• Change passwords on email, banking and social accounts from a safe device, and enable two-factor authentication.
• Check for tracking — location-sharing apps, shared accounts, and linked devices. A local service can help you do this safely.
• Be careful what you write on shared or monitored accounts; use a private channel the other person does not know about.

Documents and evidence

• Copy identity and financial documents — yours and your children's — and store them somewhere the other person cannot reach.
• Keep a dated record of incidents, threats and controlling behaviour: what happened, when, and any messages, photos or medical records.
• Preserve evidence of abuse, but never at the cost of your safety — do not risk confrontation to gather it.

Money

• Open a separate bank account in your own name, at a different bank if possible, and route your own income into it.
• Build a small cash reserve where it cannot be seen — cash, not only a shared card.
• Understand joint accounts and debts and get advice on how to separate them without exposing yourself.

Children

• Include them in the plan in an age-appropriate way — where to go, who to call, what to do in an emergency.
• Tell their school or childcare who may and may not collect them.
• Keep their routine stable where you can — it is their anchor.

Legal protection

Most jurisdictions have legal remedies for protection — protection orders, restraining orders, occupation orders and similar. What they are called and how you get them varies by country and state. A domestic-violence service or family lawyer can tell you:

• What protection orders exist where you are, and how quickly they can be obtained.
• Whether you can apply without the other party knowing in advance.
• How an order affects the family home, children and contact arrangements.

Do not rely on general information for this — the details are jurisdiction-specific and change.

After leaving

• Vary your routines — routes, times, shops — for a period.
• Tell trusted people where you are and not to share it.
• Update your contact details carefully, and consider a post box or forwarding arrangement so your address is not exposed.
• Keep the dated record going — it is evidence if you later need legal protection.

This page is general educational information, not legal, safety or psychological advice, and it does not address your specific circumstances. If you are in danger, contact local emergency services or a specialist service now.

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